I’m a good starter. I start a lot of projects, set several goals, but rarely do I ever finish what I’ve set out to accomplish. I’ve got about 3 journals right now that I’ve started writing in, but never filled completely. Recorded songs, conference and workshop plans, an AA degree. Started all these things, never finished. Why? The truth is, I was afraid. I allowed fear to enter my heart and mind and instead of having all these amazing things under my belt, they remain incomplete. I’m trying to change all of that. Man I get so excited when I begin planning something out. I mention it to a few select people, I make calls, send emails, but then I just stop. Heck, I’m struggling to keep up with this blog and I just started it a month ago. I set reminders in my phone for every Tuesday at 8:00 PM to remind myself to write. Trying to post something everyday became a bit much!
Have you ever met anyone like that? Someone who tried dabbling at everything and in the end was unsuccessful at everything? This unfortunately has been my fate for a very long time. How then do I stop this cycle of starting, but never finishing, and what is truly stopping me from reaching and achieving my dreams and goals?
Fear. Fear is the #1 dream killer. More than naysayers, more than lack of support, Fear. What I feared the most was success, actually being good at what I set out to accomplish, and reaping the benefits. Isn’t that crazy? I thought to myself, “I could actually be successful at this thing, then what?”. Then I let the lack of resources, time, blamed my age, and the fact that other people were doing the exact same thing deter me from reaching my goals. Then, I became a watcher. You know the type of people who just watch as others become successful, then become bitter because nothing was happening in their lives. One of those people who walk around boasting about how it could be them, but it isn’t- for whatever “reason” given. “Yea, that could’ve been me but ah, you know, this and that happened,” or the people who claim to have known a person right before they were successful and were right there with them along way, but for some reason or another, the success happened for the other person and not them. Ugh. Nobody likes that guy or gal. Because the truth is, the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is how they handle fear. There’s a quote by Marianne Williamson from her work A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles” that woke something up in me that I want to share. She said this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Whew! She just tore me all up with that! It’s true though! I’m not afraid of failing. I’m not afraid of messing up. My biggest fear is that I will actually be successful at what I set out to do! Its insane! So now I have to give myself pep talks and say within myself, “It’s ok to want and be successful!” Then I think to myself, how many amazing ideas are there waiting to be birthed from the minds of fearful men, including myself? How much different would the world be if we all decided to cast fear aside and shine? 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind.”
What I’ve come to understand is that God is not bound by time. That’s a hard concept to digest when the society we live in puts nothing but time constraints on everything! If you’re not married by a certain age, if you’re not discovered by a certain age, if you don’t have children by a certain age, if you don’t complete your education within a certain time, if you don’t purchase a house by a certain age. All these things bound by time and age. We all do it! Women especially lol, but we all do it! “If I’m not married with 2.5 kids, a dog, a cat, and in a house with a white picket fence by the time I’m 30, then I’m just not gone get married!” But what if you don’t meet the man or woman of your dreams until you’re 31, or 41, or 50?
What I’ve come to realize and accept is that we weren’t all placed on Earth at the same time. God knew just when to create me and to create you so that our ideas and dreams would manifest in the earth at the same time, His time. Here’s something even more amazing; God knew when to create you and when you would grow up and pursue your purpose and that it would manifest in the Earth just in time to help someone who really needed it! Whew!! So even if I obtain my degree in 8 years instead of 4, even if you meet your soulmate at 45 instead of 30, even if you’re not discovered until you’re 50, its ok! Just imagine the quality of relationships that could be had with people you’re not competing with! But it all starts with ridding yourself of fear.
I’m right there with you second guessing myself, wondering what’s on the other side of fear, and I believe its faith. Faith in knowing that I was made for this, I was created for this, whatever the “this” is for you.
Because I’m a mom, I relate most (not all) things to a child’s cartoon or movie. I’m reminded of the scene in The Incredibles where Dash is finally competing in Sports. He’s running a race and naturally winning by long shot but looking up at his parents in the stand who are gauging his speed and determining where he should place so it doesn’t seem suspicious that he’s really fast! God our Father, Our Creator isn’t like that!! He’s not prompting us to go slower so others don’t become suspicious! He created us to shine and bring glory to His name! So be encouraged tonight, and get out there and shine!