You’re not invited, it’s all yourNobody’s fault
Today’s entry is very personal to me as I am still dealing with this issue in my personal life. I hate to admit it, but as amazing as my closest friends are, I sometimes deal with the feeling of being merely tolerated-just being invited to appease me. Social media doesn’t help either with the ability to instantly post even the most intimate of moments. One can’t help but feel left out if you’re not in the photograph or tagged in the post. The meme to left speaks to this very issue. Does anyone out there feel like me? You feel very like the third or fourth wheel even when you are invited? Do you ever find yourself scrolling down your timeline thinking, “Man they look like they’re having an exciting time! How come I wasn’t invited??” Then these thoughts plague my mind, “They probably having a better time without me”.
I had a lot of life changes happen in a very short time span; I met and married my husband, changed church membership, had the boys, all within about a 2 year time span. The relationships I had changed and amount of time I could dedicate to those relationships changed. But I still longed for those relationships, those friendships.
Before my most recent reformation, I can admit to being what I like to call a “mean girl”. I was nasty-nice. I complained often, I was very sarcastic, and seldom did I ever show any type of appreciation or gratitude to anyone. I was condescending and rude. I could basically tell a person off without using a single curse word (not proud of this). I wasn’t someone I would purposely be friends with, and yet, I had friends! I had amazingly, loving, loyal and supportive friends! But I wasn’t always friendly. For this reason, I said to myself as I scrolled through social media, “It’s my own fault I wasn’t invited.” I said this to myself even though I was different, even thought I had changed.
Ironically, I found both memes on social media, Kermit under covers, and Hart Ramsey’s, the latter of which gave me healthy insight as to why I didn’t see my friends as much as I used to. The truth is I’m extremely busy being a wife, mom, working full time, and being in ministry! Most my friends are obligated to the same things I mentioned. So I should understand then, right? Easier said than done.
So how do we shake this feeling of being uninvited? It starts with our minds. We’ve got to cancel out negative thoughts with positive ones. We must also be reminded of what God’s word says about us.
1 Peter 2:9 says this: “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”
We are God’s special possession! I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone of royalty who’s merely tolerated! Proverbs 18:24 KJV says this: “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Take it from me, you can’t remain a “mean girl” and expect to keep friends! Lastly (and I must remember this too), sometimes our friends are facing silent battles that nobody knows about it. Either way, you are important and you do have value!
I know what you’re thinking, you’re always the first to reach out, always the first to initiate plans that never go through, always first to get your feelings hurt over a misunderstanding? Consider this, as you grow and mature, so will your relationships and that’s ok! Just because you don’t hang out as much as you used to doesn’t mean the love has changed. And if a friendship has indeed fallen off and is no more, it doesn’t mean you’re now enemies.
Homework Assignment: Take some time to write down some of the amazing things that make you an exceptional friend. Also, write out some of the qualities you look for in a friend. Next, evaluate your life. Do you have enough time to be the friend that you desire? What responsibilities and obligations consume your life? Do you have the capacity to talk on the phone with someone for 5 hours, like you used to in high school? Finally, identify one friend that you miss. Write them a letter or send them a quick text. If you receive a response, keep the conversation going! If nothing comes if it, that’s ok! Say a prayer for them and also pray that God shows you in His word what He thinks about you.